Jordan 0:00

I could tell the vibe was weird.

Lindsay 0:02

Yeah. You were like, dude, they were quiet.

Jordan 0:05

They were quietly working,

Lindsay 0:08

You know, someone that works in the OR that has worked in the, or many years, and when you go quiet it's uh, yeah.

Jordan 0:14

It means something

Lindsay 0:16

Something going on.

Jordan 0:18

Yeah, they were, it was a quiet team in there,

Lindsay 0:24

We have kids. Podcast is back. Hi. Hi. Hi. Well, it's been

Jordan 0:30

a minute.

Lindsay 0:31

I feel like I could collapse today. How about you? You

Jordan 0:34

You feel like you what?

Lindsay 0:35

could collapse? Oh,

Jordan 0:36

collapse. Yeah.

Lindsay 0:38

On my way out the door, I was like, I just wanna lay down on the floor, hard floor

Jordan 0:42

Mm-hmm.

Lindsay 0:43

Collapse. I don't care about a soft bed anymore. Hi. We have two kids each

Jordan 0:47

We have two of them each. That's four between us. That's a lot.

Lindsay 0:52

We're busy.

Jordan 0:54

Yeah. So last time, the last episode we had, the last episode we had was a Christmas episode, I think. And at the end of the episode we said, okay, we're gonna take a short break for the holidays. We might record in January. We'll see how Lindsay feels. She was pregnant. Just like a

Lindsay 1:12

yeah.

Jordan 1:12

you know, recap. She was pregnant. I had just had a kid,

Lindsay 1:16

the way, that feels literally seven

Jordan 1:18

Right. I was thinking that. I was like, the first thing I was gonna say to you was, Lindsay, how has it been actually a

Lindsay 1:25

how's your week? How's your week been? Jordan, what did you, what did you get all done in seven days

Jordan 1:31

I was pretty tired this week. I, I probably got about as much done in a year as I could have done in a week with no

Lindsay 1:37

Yes, yes. If I had seven days to my house alone, it would look it,

Jordan 1:46

you could build a new house.

Lindsay 1:47

Yes, I know I could yourself. I know that I could. Yeah. I can't believe, I don't even wanna think, okay, we're not even gonna think about what I could get done in Sometimes it's been,

Jordan 1:56

it's been a crazy year for us. If you have more than one child, you understand that We were ambitious. Thinking that right out the gate with both kids, we would be able to come right back and

Lindsay 2:06

Mm-hmm. What? We'll go over the things that have happened in the last year because it's been a lot, but it really does feel like it's only been seven days. I got a lot done in seven days,

Jordan 2:15

let's hit us. What? What you got done?

Lindsay 2:17

Well, I had a baby. Yeah.

Jordan 2:19

Oh yeah.

Lindsay 2:21

Went through mastitis, got a lump removed in my breast, surgically. Breast reconstruction. Y'all I did this all in seven days.

Jordan 2:29

amazing and you look great. Your boobs look great. That's, yeah.

Lindsay 2:35

Yeah. I did not go for the implants. Just a little reduction in the

Jordan 2:40

Lindsay didn't need implants,

Lindsay 2:42

No,

Jordan 2:42

No, she didn't need

Lindsay 2:43

If you knew me, we don't need, we need any, you to go bigger,

Jordan 2:47

Nope. Nope.

Lindsay 2:49

we went small and I feel wonderful. Thank you. Um, anyways, but yeah. Va

Jordan 2:52

for your husband.

Lindsay 2:53

husband. Yeah, Andrew got a vasectomy. I've traveled. Conquered, uh, postpartum anxiety. Oh yeah. I have PPA hardcore. I thought I had it bad with my firstborn second came around and I was like, I need to see someone.

Jordan 3:10

is gonna be a

Lindsay 3:11

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. A lot has gone on in the last year and we'll go over that eventually, but we're here, we're back. We're recording quite a few episodes today.

Jordan 3:22

We are gonna try,

Lindsay 3:23

just to get after it.

Jordan 3:24

Alright, so my seven days

Lindsay 3:27

yeah,

Jordan 3:27

was also crazy. Uh, I, you know, the holiday season happened, family in town, that's the thing that we mentioned. And then beyond that, I had like a two month bout of postpartum thyroiditis.

Lindsay 3:39

you

Jordan 3:40

That was crazy. That was giving me

Lindsay 3:43

your heart.

Jordan 3:44

Dude, I was having crazy heart palpitations that night. It was savage. The whole thing was awful. I don't recommend it.

Lindsay 3:49

it.

Jordan 3:50

It was like two months of, sometimes my anxiety was so bad I couldn't get out of bed. It was like pretty bad. So

Lindsay 3:57

this happen to us? I

Jordan 3:58

know, dude, because we had kid, we, I don't know. This is, I guess, parenting in 2025, I

Lindsay 4:04

Yeah. Yeah.

Jordan 4:04

Yeah. That's just

Lindsay 4:05

like, mm-hmm. What happens? Mm-hmm.

Jordan 4:06

now. Maybe it always did. I don't know. But yeah. So that happened kind of at the start of the year. What even else happened? Oh yeah. So Adrian told my husband closed down his van business,

Lindsay 4:17

That was bittersweet.

Jordan 4:18

for me at that point it was mostly sweet. He was throughout my pregnancy, pretty stressed about the business. The economy wasn't, you know, doing what it should. He got out just before the tariff thing hit, and luckily he did because that knocked out so many van companies. Once that happened, they just all just like collapsed, which is nuts. So I was grateful he got out

Lindsay 4:38

It's so sad too, because that it would be such an amazing way to live if we could all just have our own cool van and as like our little like living

Jordan 4:46

Yeah,

Lindsay 4:47

And like venture and adventure around the country. Yeah.

Jordan 4:50

it's fun.

Lindsay 4:51

or you know, cross borders and stuff, like, it's so sad to see something like that

Jordan 4:56

Become inaccessible. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. It's something we could think about a lot, but try not to, but I, so I was grateful he went and got like a more corporate job that has a steady income, something we hadn't had for a while. That was a huge transition for our family. And then, you know, summertime hit what even happened this summer? No,

Lindsay 5:18

No, all I know is if I'm looking back far enough, your daughter turned three and her birthday party was fun after in August. End of August. No,

Jordan 5:26

her, well, yeah, her birthday was end of August. Her

Lindsay 5:28

Oh yeah. 'cause you guys were sick,

Jordan 5:30

She, yeah, she was puking the night before her birthday party, which is the worst thing ever. I hope your, my fingers are crossed for your kids' birthday coming

Lindsay 5:39

Yeah. Her birthday is Christmas week and so is mine, but we're. I'm almost considering putting off Christmas e outings just to make sure

Jordan 5:48

she doesn't get

Lindsay 5:49

Yeah. And dude, not gonna get political here, but my son's not vaccinated for measles yet, and he won't be until February. And it's on the rise apparently in Utah County. So I'm like, oh man, I don't know if we're gonna go see Santa because he's not vaccinated.

Jordan 6:02

love that you said not to get political about like one of the most hotly debated political issues,

Lindsay 6:08

I am a, we, we vaccine in our house. But, but that is, that's my choice. And I'm moving on with that. And you're not gonna like Yeah. You know, go in here and, you

Jordan 6:16

their own. Yes,

Lindsay 6:16

exactly. So anyways, our, I'm hoping our holidays stay sick free. It's gonna be really interesting to navigate, but we're gonna try to get

Jordan 6:25

My fingers are crossed for you. Yeah,

Lindsay 6:27

But other than that, I don't remember what else went on beyond your daughter's birthday. I mean, I went back, I went back to the Midwest. My grandma had a 90th birthday. may she rest in peace? She passed away in October, but. She had her 90th birthday and we all kept there for it and it was really awesome. But I don't really remember anything else in before that. In between.

Jordan 6:46

Yeah. Um, what else did I do? Oh, I've been working on my yoga stuff. That's been a huge, that's taken up so much of my time. Oh my

Lindsay 6:54

have to check out Jordan's, Instagram. You have to. Like her videos are so beneficial, so helpful. I no for reel. They are so good. And you're so good at making the reels. I know that. I hear that reels are just like a nightmare to make.

Jordan 7:09

They're very time consuming. They're very time consuming.

Lindsay 7:12

like nightmare, but like time consuming. Yeah. Yeah.

Jordan 7:14

Thanks. Yeah, it's at Samara Yoga. I would love it if you wanna hit me a follow. Um, yeah. I try to do content for everybody. It's prenatal, prenatal specific is what I'm going for just right now,

Lindsay 7:29

But I

Jordan 7:30

I also do. That ends up being about half of my content. I think I said this in the last episode, but if you haven't listened for the last year, then a little refresher.

Lindsay 7:38

Mm-hmm.

Jordan 7:39

Yeah, it's been great. It's just been a, it's been a lot of work, so, yep. Here we are. It's almost December.

Lindsay 7:45

Yeah. Yeah,

Jordan 7:45

It's almost December. We're ready for Christmas. Oh, again.

Lindsay 7:48

Well, we're already decorating.

Jordan 7:50

are you?

Lindsay 7:50

We don't have our, we just don't have our trees or garlandy things up yet, but

Jordan 7:55

let's go.

Lindsay 7:56

our house has lights on it. Our out, you know,

Jordan 7:58

Fair enough. All right, well, should we get into it? Um, we're here to talk about. My

Lindsay 8:05

birth stories.

Jordan 8:05

birth story. Did we say that already?

Lindsay 8:08

don't

Jordan 8:08

Okay. We're gonna do

Lindsay 8:09

Okay. We're gonna do Jordan's birth story real quick. Yeah,

Jordan 8:12

I'm gonna start this by saying this as, maybe I might just give a little trigger warning. I don't.

Lindsay 8:17

don't,

Jordan 8:18

I don't know if it's fully necessary, but this birth for me was, uh, how do I even wanna describe it Yeah. So this story, for me it's, it's like, it's bittersweet, but it was de so, okay. You can obviously tell that I still have some weirdness about it. Don't

Lindsay 8:39

try to justify any of your, your feelings are what they are,

Jordan 8:43

to, thanks. You know?

Lindsay 8:44

Yeah. You. And valid.

Jordan 8:46

Thank you. I, so the thing, I was like rehearsing this in my head because I am gonna be saying this from a very, very cracked memory. I did not journal, I journaled my, my first kid's birth, like in so great detail. It's just like very rich with detail. Uh, haven't journaled my second kid's birth whatsoever. So this is gonna come out in like tatters, but I'll try to make it, I'll try to clean it up in post for you. Okay. But yeah, and make it a little bit emotional and trigger warning if you've had a traumatic birth or if the idea of a traumatic birth is a lot for you to listen to, then this might not be for you. You can skip to Lindsay's bit less traumatic.

Lindsay 9:24

Mm-hmm.

Jordan 9:26

Um, but yeah, we can get into it. So my entire pregnancy was. Uh, it was rough. As I mentioned earlier, my husband was going through some wild times with his business. I was stressed. I was working. It was very hot, a hot summer. I had been in like a car accident. I don't know if I've talked about that here. it was a very mild car accident.

Lindsay 9:49

still had to go

Jordan 9:50

still had to go to the er. They said, you must go to the er. I'm like, really? Do I have to go to the er? I don't want to go to the er. And when I did, they gave me an ultrasound and found another cyst. I had a cyst in my first pregnancy that I needed surgery for during pregnancy. This one wasn't hurting me, so they opted to not do any surgery. They were gonna give me surgery after I had the baby. Or if I had a C-section again during the C-section. Okay. There's a little foreshadowing for you

Lindsay 10:21

And you were running around after a toddler.

Jordan 10:23

I was ru.

Lindsay 10:23

I'm sure you were not recovering. I'm sure you were not sleeping and recovering the

Jordan 10:29

A lot of us know what it's like to be pregnant with a toddler. It's rough. So I was tired and the thing to know about me when I get tired is I turn into a real bitch.

Lindsay 10:38

And

Jordan 10:39

that meant me and my husband were arguing, arguing a lot, uh, which, you know, just added more stress. And I don't know if you noticed this, but while I was pregnant with my second kid, I noticed that when I had a stress response in my body, it was a very difficult for my nervous system to regulate. like it just took weirdly long time for my nervous system to, chill I wonder if other people have had that. If you've had that experience. Shoot me a DM s Samara yoga. So I see it immediately because I need to know that that was not just me. All right, so, so that was pregnancy. The day I gave birth. This was like two weeks before my son's due date.

Lindsay 11:18

Yeah. You were not expecting to go into labor. That

Jordan 11:20

I was not. I like, I thought he would come early, but no, it

Lindsay 11:24

shocked. Right. I think I, okay, this is bringing back my thoughts. Yeah, you were working a ton

Jordan 11:29

Yeah,

Lindsay 11:29

you were gonna be off and I'm like, oh man, he might come early because she's just so stressed and she's working a ton and she's not settling into about having a baby, about to have a baby.

Jordan 11:38

Yeah. And.

Lindsay 11:39

And I think. I don't know if it was like maybe you had a work shift that your heart rate was really high and I was like, man, I don't know if she's gonna make it all the way to this due date.

Jordan 11:48

Yeah, I had a couple work, I had a work shift where they had to call like the fire department that's right next to Sundance because I, it was because I was having an ocular headache, which is like where you see patterns

Lindsay 11:59

what it was. I remember it's a

Jordan 12:00

a sign of preeclampsia. So I was kind of pooping my pants. I was not having preeclampsia. I've had a few ocular headaches in my life. Luckily it was just that they're very un uncomfy, if you've ever had one. It's kind of insane. But anyway, day of giving birth, that morning I approached my husband. He was in a really delicate spot too with his business stuff and just like, you know, he was also stressed that the baby was coming and so much was happening. He knew he'd have to take some time off, you know, all that. So I approach him and I say, Hey, I, I want to spend some time today if we could, talking about and preparing for labor and specifically like your role and how we can come together as a partnership to like make this. You know, as smooth as possible, as comforting, you know, I wanna create the space. And he was trying to help me with my yoga business and he had a lot going on in his head that day of what he wanted to do, and it was all business related. So we went to the bank that morning to like open my like bank account. And then we came home and I was fully going through contractions at the bank. So like I had been having contractions the night before and they were very consistent, But they weren't strong and they weren't super close together. So I was like, okay. I was just like my body doing the contractions thing. And then at the bank, they got pretty gnarly, like, and right before we went to the bank, I could still kind of talk through them, but they were like, Ugh. You know,

Lindsay 13:27

you know, like, was the,

Jordan 13:28

I had to like

Lindsay 13:29

Was the teller, was she like, uh

Jordan 13:31

the teller was a guy. He had no idea what was going on. So I'm sitting there with my toddler in my lap and you know, we're talking and suddenly I'd just be like, Ugh. Ugh. And

Lindsay 13:42

my gosh.

Jordan 13:43

And you know, I was kinda walking around trying to stay calm, chasing my kid, letting my husband do all the hard work. But then we get home and I'm like, okay, can we switch tack and work on this, labor stuff? And he was like, I feel like I'm already ready for, like, I feel like we did this already with our first kid. Like I feel like we prepared already. I don't know if we need to do that again. What I wanna help you with is this yoga stuff. I think that should be our priority before the baby gets here.

Lindsay 14:07

He was not, he was not present.

Jordan 14:09

He was trying, but No, he

Lindsay 14:12

not like it was present with like what you were feeling

Jordan 14:14

right. He didn't, yeah. I don't think he clued into like. How much I needed just to hear him say like, he was ready to support me, kind of. And I don't think I was in like a clear enough mental space to tell him that that was what I needed. And I think maybe I try, I tried, but what it, what it sounded like to him was like, you're not helping me. And he was like, I'm helping you with this yoga stuff. Like I'm literally holding your hand through this process. 'cause he has,

Lindsay 14:39

yeah. Yeah.

Jordan 14:40

and, and so it turned into a really gnarly fight. So we, and we fought a lot during our pregnancy, like I said, so this fight was like. Kind of one of those arguments where we're not like yelling at each other, but we're definitely not seeing eye to eye. And it lasted all day. Like we just couldn't get there like all day. It was just a struggle. We were just like headbutting around every corner, you know?

Lindsay 15:01

'cause you are definitely on another track.

Jordan 15:04

a different, a total

Lindsay 15:05

different track. I don't even know if you were gonna be willing, you probably weren't even willing to like leave that track because you're physically going through something

Jordan 15:13

Right. And I, yeah, so you're, and you're right, I was fully having contractions all day, so I was just like, do you remember like everything that we learned about, like, do you remember the,

Lindsay 15:21

like

Jordan 15:21

techniques of helping me to, to relieve labor pains? Do you remember the mantras that we were gonna try and take in? Do you remember? My birth plan, do you remember any of this? We hadn't created a birth plan. Like we hadn't done any of that shit. So, yeah, what I wanted to do was sit down, make a birth plan, be present, talk about labor. I wanted to VBAC really badly. I had been asking my friends who had had VBACs to share their stories with me. I had been doing all of this internal work myself to try and really like, you know, achieve the birth that I wanted with my son. This was not part of my agenda, fighting with my husband. Um, so finally, uh, the afternoon hits is maybe like three or 4:00 PM. We were outside pushing my daughter on our little swing, uh, by the apple tree, and I was just really having gnarly contractions and at this point we're, you know, we're like getting along, but the tension is still kind of there. But, you know, it's just like not resolved. We don't, we try not to argue in front of our kids. So it was like just that underlying, like the pressure cooker happening.

Lindsay 16:22

and

Jordan 16:22

I was having, like the contractions were just getting closer and closer together. Stronger and stronger. And I was in denial. I was like, this is prodromal labor. It can't be labor. And I remember my husband looking at me and just saying, Hey, you might need to come to terms with the fact that this could be it.

Lindsay 16:40

Yeah.

Jordan 16:41

And I was like, shit.

Lindsay 16:44

'cause it was happening a lot earlier than you thought it was gonna Yeah,

Jordan 16:48

totally. So like I didn't even have my hospital bag

Lindsay 16:51

packed. Woo.

Jordan 16:52

I know I'm usually such a preparer, that's not a fun word to say,

Lindsay 16:58

more, more prepared.

Jordan 16:59

I Sure. So, yeah, for me this, yeah, like that was on my agenda to do that weekend, but I didn't, hadn't gotten around to doing it. So I looked at him back and I was like. Like, I just kind of felt defeated and I was like, this can't, this can't be it. We can't go into this, like the birth of our child with this, you know, it like kinda was breaking my heart.

Lindsay 17:20

Right.

Jordan 17:21

I know that sounds dramatic, but this is such a big event. Like, and, and his like partnership, you know, means so much to both of us. I, yeah. and then he kind of was like. Hey, it's gonna be okay. You know, like he was really sweet in that moment. And then I came inside the house and he said, I'm gonna take our kid for a walk. I want you to sit on the bed and time your contractions and try to calm down. And I was like, yeah, okay. Let's try to calm my nervous system. I'll keep track of my contractions, we'll see if they chill out, because you know, like, I don't know if everyone listening knows this, but if you're stressed, contractions are more likely to happen. So I was thinking the stress of the argument and the day and just generally my life, we're creating prodromal labor situation. But I'm sitting there, I'm listening to my meditation. I'm timing my contractions, and they're not going away. They're not going away, they're not going anywhere. I'm like, okay, this is, this might be it. So. My husband and kid get back. I tell him it's becoming pretty consistent. They're like maybe two minutes apart at this point, pretty strong. I'm not doubled over in pain yet, but it's intense, you know, the intensity's rising. So he kind of hit, like, he kind of got, went into go mode. So he got dinner going straight away. 'cause obviously what do you wanna do before you go to the hospital? You want to eat as much as possible. I got unpacking the hospital bag, and while I was packing it, this is probably like five, 6:00 PM at this point while I'm packing it, the, the contractions had just started getting really intense, like intense enough that I had to like, pause what I was doing and, you know, really breathe through it. I get the hospital backpack and then I go sit at the dinner table and try to have a normal dinner with my husband. My sister's there to support. 'cause at this point she's heard that what's happening,

Lindsay 19:03

right? Yeah.

Jordan 19:04

She lives with us just to reminder to people out there and my, you know, my kid we're feeding my kid her dinner. And the whole time I'm just like doing the thing where I'm like shoveling a few bites into my mouth. With no appetite whatsoever. Like I, I'm feeling nerves, I'm feeling anxious. Oh, my just, I'm just like trying to get it down. I'm like, I need the fuel. This could be a long time. My first labor was 39 hours. For those of you who didn't listen to that episode or don't remember, here we go. So I'm shoveling food and then, uh, you know, like it, you feel, I don't, how is it that we know the contraction is rising? Isn't that the wildest feeling? Yeah. Just like nothing is changing in your body, but you're like, here it comes.

Lindsay 19:45

Yep.

Jordan 19:46

It's so cool.

Lindsay 19:47

stronger and stronger. I love it so much. Yeah.

Jordan 19:49

Yeah. I, why do I love it so much? I don't know. So there's something,

Lindsay 19:52

just something cool that's going on inside you that's never happened before and you know what it is.

Jordan 19:57

the intensity is like just visceral. It's just like, ah. Like it just makes you feel so alive. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it just like jazzes me up thinking about it. Like, even though it's, I know it's painful and it's like just the intensity is like, like literally enough to take your breath away, but it is

Lindsay 20:16

it's like the excitement of the processes happening.

Jordan 20:19

Yeah. Like something's actually going on this time. Like we're, we're at the finish

Lindsay 20:23

You're like envisioning, you know, your son like, you know, in there and trying to like maneuver his way down or.

Jordan 20:30

I don't even think I was envision, maybe I was envisioning that. I don't remember envisioning that. I think I was just like, I think I, it felt like a, like a psychedelic experience where I was just like, it just pulls you right out of your body. Yeah. You know, like for me that's kinda what it felt like. But anyway, so we get through dinner and I wanted to, my goal this time, 'cause I went to the hospital too early last time and then had to go home and because I wanted to be as natural as possible, I went home to like labor at home for a while. 'cause it was taking a long time. So this time my goal was stay at home until I think it could be close and then go in. So

Lindsay 21:06

live so close that the

Jordan 21:07

right? Yeah.

Lindsay 21:09

you know, so yeah, I could

Jordan 21:10

Yeah. It's like a seven minute drive maybe. So yeah, we're chilling. We get our kid to bed. Luckily guys, it's so, it was so nice to be able to get my kid to bed and know that I could put her down and she was gonna be comfortable. I have someone who lives here who didn't, I didn't have to arrange for someone to come stay at my house. Like she,

Lindsay 21:29

nothing so nice for

Jordan 21:30

That brought me so much comfort. Ugh. I'm so grateful to my sister. Shout out. Anyway, so around, I wanna say like 9:30 PM. I am finally like, okay, let's go. this is intense. So we get in the car with all of our things. We drive to the hospital, take me to the room. oh, they checked. I guess they checked my cervix or whatever, right? And it was like almost six centimeters. So they're like, yep, we'll keep you. And I'm like walking around the room. I'm like waiting for the next contraction. Waiting for the next contraction. Breathe. And it was just the 3, 2, 1, relax, relax, relax. That's all that was playing in my head through these contractions.

Lindsay 22:10

over all night

Jordan 22:10

Yep. So I do this for about an hour. The nurse that's, that comes in is such an angel. I had a great angel nurse. The first time I gave birth to my daughter. This nurse was so awesome. The first thing she asked me was, okay, let's talk about your birth plan. There aren't, like, how is that not the first thing every nurse asks? It's not, it totally isn't

Lindsay 22:32

like vitals.

Jordan 22:34

Yeah. Like do you have a name picked

Lindsay 22:35

Charting? Yeah. Charting. Yeah.

Jordan 22:37

It like great things, but like this girl wanted to give me the experience that I wanted to have and I just was so grateful to her for that. They hook me up to all the things. It's going pretty well so far. and then they, you know, they wanted to gimme an epidural after like an hour. So you might remember from my first birth, I didn't, I waited so long to get an epidural with my daughter. I waited so long, it was like 30 hours or something of like, you know, contractions and labor.

Lindsay 23:04

and finally.

Jordan 23:06

I went for it because I was afraid that if I had a c-section, they would have to put me under general. Because if you, if you don't have an epidural and you do need a C-section, then you have to go under general anesthesia and I want, you're not awake. And I wanted to be there. I wanted to be aware

Lindsay 23:20

Yep. Of

Jordan 23:20

of my child coming

Lindsay 23:21

of

Jordan 23:22

the world, right? So in this case, if you have a see a previous cesarean birth.

Lindsay 23:27

they.

Jordan 23:28

And you birth at the hospital the second time or any subsequent time, they kind of like make you get an epidural because the chance of you having a C-section again are much higher. The chance of something going wrong is much higher. They just want you to, they want to be able to work on you as quickly as possible. Yeah. Which makes sense, so,

Lindsay 23:48

stay awake, then

Jordan 23:49

right, exactly. And I knew that that was a possibility and I was actually okay with a C-section, birth being a possibility in my head. I even was considering like. Opting for specifically scheduling a C-section because I didn't wanna have surgery for the cyst after giving birth and having a brand new baby. And because I didn't want him to have a Halloween birthday.

Lindsay 24:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jordan 24:12

this sounds silly, but like these things matter to, to some people. So,

Lindsay 24:16

yeah.

Jordan 24:17

So I was like, yep, gimme the epidural. They gave me the epidural. At that point, I'm kind of chilling, you know, my brain feels good. I'm in a good place. We're nighttime. Now I'm listening to my, I've got my headphones in. I'm listening to these meditations and that this is one of my favorite memories of this birth experience was one of the meditations, I don't remember what the prompt is, but had me visualizing myself in like a meadow. And there's a beautiful hike on the mountain nearby where you get right up to the top and there's just an enormous meadow. This gigantic meadow full of wildflowers. It's huge. Like you can't imagine how big it is and how many wildflowers there are. So in my head I was up there on Anos in the meadow and then it said, to bring the people who you love into the meadow with you. And I just had this vision of like my husband next to me and my 2-year-old daughter at the time, she had this white, the cutest white dress that was just like

Lindsay 25:12

dress you need to make this like into a painting. Oh,

Jordan 25:14

That's a cute idea. I can't paint for shit,

Lindsay 25:17

Oh,

Jordan 25:18

but I should. Yeah. So she had her little wispy blonde hair and this little white dress with butterflies on it, and she was just like twirling next to me in this meadow. And that was. Just like I was in the happiest place in my head and it was so great. my body was in a different place. My body had the shakes so bad,

Lindsay 25:39

Uncon, like, um,

Jordan 25:40

just shaking. Like my nervous system was just like on fire. I don't know what it was. I think this happens to a lot of women.

Lindsay 25:47

I had it when I, when they had to release the contraction, they gave me a shot of, I can't remember what it was, but they had to release a contraction off my daughter. And your body, the aftermath of that shot is just crazy. Is uncontrollable

Jordan 25:59

Yeah, it's a wild

Lindsay 26:00

for about 10 minutes or so.

Jordan 26:02

I, I couldn't stop my body from shaking. I don't know what it was. My brain was in such a nice place, but my body was like just tremors. And my husband kept coming over and like putting a little blanket on me. The nurses kept asking if I needed blankets. I didn't feel cold. Like I felt fine. I just couldn't stop shaking. So I was trying to calm that down. I kind of get through most of the night and then the wee hours of the morning hit, you know, they're coming in and doing their checks. They're doing like whatever they do. This part of the night is kind of just all a blur in my brain. It's gone. Um, but I do remember the, the same, the same doctor who, who delivered my first kid was the one on that night, and I was so happy to think that he could deliver both of my children. He's such a sweetie. I loved him. So he came in and he was coaching me through pushing, right? We start pushing. I don't remember what time it was. I know it was still dark outside. And I push and I push and I push. And unfortunately during that process, both the nurse that I was obsessed with and the doctor that delivered my first baby, their shift ended through my pushing. And it was like

Lindsay 27:07

of course,

Jordan 27:07

after like an hour, maybe an hour and a half, the shift switched. And I was like, right now that's lame. That sucks, but whatever. We'll go with it. And then I keep pushing the new nurse who comes in. I'm not like vibing with her. And this is where it kind of starts to take a turn a little bit for me. And none of this is gonna sound that dramatic, I don't think. But at the end of the day, it just all built up into like a weird, uncomfortable experience. So hear me out so I'm not vibing with the nurse. the reasons are I'm kind of pushing on my back, but I wanted to be pushing in other positions. And even when you have an epidural, you can choose different positions other than just on your back knees to chest kind of, and that's like how she wanted me to push, but I started like kind of getting annoyed with that and just doing my own thing. So I like, I like turned to my side knees in cabs out, which opens your pelvis in a different direction. I'm like, maybe she doesn't know about this. Like I follow a bunch of. Things on Instagram. I'm like doing my Instagram research, you know, but, uh, whatever. So I, I did that and she's like, oh yeah, you could try pushing that way. Sometimes that can open the pelvis in a different, you know,

Lindsay 28:10

and she was just kind of monotone.

Jordan 28:12

she was kind of monotone. She was stood next to me, like monitoring the screens and stuff, and I'm like, if you knew that and we've been pushing together now for like an hour, why, why wouldn't you have like offered.

Lindsay 28:23

you know?

Jordan 28:24

Like, I feel like a nurse should offer you different options. Yeah. Like if something, it doesn't seem to be working and I'm pushing for so long that clearly this isn't

Lindsay 28:31

just like let you, like there's a way of. Of being your nurse and like making sure you're safe, but there's also a way of like letting you guide what you want Yeah. As well, like in a gentle Yeah. Way. And, and there's just a way of working together.

Jordan 28:49

Yeah, so she wasn't really giving me that. Like she wasn't impolite or anything. She just wasn't honoring the like momentous thing that I was going through. You know what I mean? Like for her, she was at work,

Lindsay 29:02

Yep, exactly. I was just gonna say, I don't think she was present with your birthing experience. Right. She was present with being at work at the start of the day. Exactly. I have a to-do list, or I have checkoff list today.

Jordan 29:13

Yeah. And I get like, I get that and I have days like that at work too, but I'm not delivering children.

Lindsay 29:19

Sure, sure.

Jordan 29:19

The first nurse, she was there, she was there to make that experience, the experience of my lifetime and this other nurse was there to make sure everyone was safe, which I appreciate, but I, yeah, it's, I can't help but have wanted a little more.

Lindsay 29:31

Yeah.

Jordan 29:32

And then this, the doctor who came in he's a, he's awesome. I really like him. He's new, so we don't have the same rapport that the guy who obviously delivered my first child, and I have, but that's okay. You

Lindsay 29:45

The, the, the guy that delivered your first child, y'all, I had him for my miscarriage, uh, appointment. And I could, like, I have like chills how gentle and appropriate and like good bedside care. He, he is

Jordan 30:02

good vibes and just the sweetest.

Lindsay 30:05

Yeah, he's the sweetest man I've ever met. I think.

Jordan 30:08

Yeah. He really knows how to like tune into women. He really knows how.

Lindsay 30:13

his partner, I, man, I can't Ima Yeah. Lucky.

Jordan 30:18

I was, I will say I was a little bit grateful that he did take off because he had been on shift for like 70 hours and I was like, I don't know if. Someone who's been on shift for 70 hours needs to be performing surgery on my body, but honestly like that. Or like a guy who has maybe never done a C-section before,

Lindsay 30:38

Yeah,

Jordan 30:38

I'll probably take this

Lindsay 30:40

I would take, but I promise. Yeah, I promise you he is done plenty because, no,

Jordan 30:43

yeah, no, I know, I

Lindsay 30:44

know, but I get But I get what you're saying.

Jordan 30:45

All right. So you know where this is going. It's going to the or, right? So the, so the doctor who delivers comes in the room. We, we've been pushing together too for a while. This is all a blur to me. I don't know. Chronologically, whatever. He comes in, he explains to me the pros and cons of continuing to push the pros and cons of delivering C-section. I tell him, I've got this cyst. That I've been told could also be removed if I have a caesarean birth. And he said, yeah, we can definitely try to make that work. Like that's not something I can promise you in this moment, but, but I will definitely do my best to, you know, do take care of that as well if we open you up. I would way rather that happen all in one and then he like kind of, you guys, maybe it's because I was on the bed

Lindsay 31:29

Oh,

Jordan 31:29

giving birth.

Lindsay 31:30

This is the one where you were like snapped, right? Like you had a micro snap. Yeah.

Jordan 31:34

Kind of like, I, I think just

Lindsay 31:36

Yeah. Yeah.

Jordan 31:37

yeah, so I'm, I'm on the bed. I'm just, you know, been pushing for like two and a half hours or something insane, maybe even three. At this point, I'm exhausted. I have not slept through the night. And this doctor, I think it's maybe because of those things, I wanna give him the benefit of the doubt. But this homie was a mansplaining the shit out of the potential of me having a C-section. I was, I was looking at him like. Please shut up. Like, I get it. I've had one, like, I, I've been through this in my brain, you know, like, please, please stop, please stop. And my husband's sitting, sitting there like, vibing with this

Lindsay 32:13

Oh my God. He's

Jordan 32:15

board with like the explaining

Lindsay 32:17

And

Jordan 32:18

and I'm just like, stop talking.

Lindsay 32:23

It's so fun to laugh about this now. I know, but like, you know, in the moment. Yeah. I remember at the time you were like, dude, I, I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not good. No.

Jordan 32:36

No,

Lindsay 32:37

So

Jordan 32:37

so at the end of the day, he leaves the room. My husband and I have a conversation. We decide a c-section is the way forward because it was coming to the point where I, my baby's vitals were, were struggling,

Lindsay 32:48

Yep.

Jordan 32:49

you know? So I don't wanna mess with that. I wanna get the cyst outta my body. Let's go to the or. So we gear up, we get strolled into the or. It's cold, it's bright. The team's ready to go. You know, we get me on the table, the shakes come back. I'm shaking like Sha,

Lindsay 33:05

Do you, I'm curious if this is, like, the shakes are, your body's way of holding onto what went on with your

Jordan 33:15

maybe, but you know what? I don't know. Because when I went, when I was taken into the OR with my first. I felt so calm. Like the overwhelming feeling I had was just this peaceful sense of calm, like I had been in the OR recently because of my cyst, and I had a really good experience with

Lindsay 33:34

that. Yep, yep.

Jordan 33:36

So I think I knew what to expect and I just felt really good. But this time I think I was sad. I think, I think this time I felt sad. I was kind of the first time I had to mourn the loss of a vaginal delivery and the golden hour and all of those things that.

Lindsay 33:51

And it had been so many hours of labor that you were like, okay, finally there's the end. To this.

Jordan 33:56

Yeah. But the end involved some, some mourning, you know?

Lindsay 33:59

Right. And then, then this time around, you know, you're, you're entering that room and you're like, man,

Jordan 34:06

this is it. This is the only way I'm giving birth in my lifetime. So I, yeah. I had to give up on, and I think I was like beginning to. Grasp that in my head because obviously I'd processed that through the, like, preparing for labor and knowing that this was a possibility. That's in my head a little bit, but also just I'm tired. I'm still a little stressed from the arguing my husband and I had been doing, I had just carried more tension in my body this whole pregnancy, and it was coming to a head in this moment. In the or, right.

Lindsay 34:35

shift change.

Jordan 34:37

Yeah. I kind of just, all of it, like, like I said, it's, it's all of these things together. Yeah.

Lindsay 34:42

Yeah.

Jordan 34:43

That add up to just like an uncomfortable experience. So I'm on the table in the, or I'm shaking the guy who the anesthesiologist was dosing me. I, I didn't feel as much this time when they were doing surgery that I felt last time was crazy. I felt everything, this time I felt pressure, but I didn't feel like every single little move that they were making, which I was grateful for, 'cause that was intense. Um, and very alien feeling. Yeah, same as last time. Get me on the table. It kind of took a while for them to start surgery this time. I think I was there for like 20 minutes before they ended up like actually cutting into me and they had my doctor who was the green freshie and then they had like an attending surgeon who was like helping him out. And then obviously the surgical team. So they start. And I'm like, you know, I'm feeling okay. My husband's feeling pretty good. He was like watching this time, which I think maybe made me feel a little bit uncomfy, but, but also not that uncomfy, like he didn't wanna look last time, but this time he like kind of peaked and then he was like, uh, like glued. His eyes were glued to my guts. Yeah. Yep. Which were out. Um, which is so weird to think that like, women who go through

Lindsay 35:48

know. Yeah.

Jordan 35:50

we're doing some crazy shit. You guys, like, I know you've thought about it, it just.

Lindsay 35:55

kind

Jordan 35:56

It kind of blows my mind to think about anyway, so they take the baby out and something. I wasn't really expecting the, the surgeon like held the baby over the curtain.

Lindsay 36:07

I'm laughing right now because

Jordan 36:09

why you

Lindsay 36:10

you're about to say?

Jordan 36:11

Yeah, I was like, oh my baby.

Lindsay 36:13

baby.

Jordan 36:14

You know, I go, I wasn't expecting that at all. Uh, the first guy didn't do that, so I didn't

Lindsay 36:20

you're like, oh, he's out.

Jordan 36:21

Yeah. You know, I'm like. Oh my god, that's my child. But it was only for like half a second, you know? 'cause he is covered in blood. He's probably slippery like, and they gotta continue doing surgery. So it was like a literally like two second little blip of like, oh that, there he is. And that was it. and then, you know, they take the baby back and they're still working on me. I didn't like, I could tell the vibe was weird.

Lindsay 36:44

Yeah. You were like, dude, they were quiet.

Jordan 36:46

They were quietly working,

Lindsay 36:49

You know, someone that works in the OR that has worked in the, or many years, and when you go quiet it's uh, yeah.

Jordan 36:56

It means something

Lindsay 36:57

Something going on.

Jordan 36:59

Yeah, they were, it was a quiet team in there, so, and I was just still on the table with the shakes, like uncontrollable shakes. My, obviously my legs aren't shaking, but I'm not kidding. My

Lindsay 37:07

oh my gosh,

Jordan 37:08

was crazy. And then, you know, they take the baby out and my husband goes with the baby. So now I'm kind of alone on the table, guts out. Just like basking, my guts are just like soaking in the harsh light of the, or, you know, cold,

Lindsay 37:22

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Jordan 37:23

like picture the scene if you don't, you know, if you, if you have it in you.

Lindsay 37:27

So

Jordan 37:28

I'm sitting there shaking, feeling a little stressed, gut's out. I'm like having a pretty emotional response right now. So if I start to make no sense, like, I'm sorry, I'm like the anxiety is coming back. You know, I haven't told this story. In fact, I haven't even told this story to Lindsay. I haven't told this story that many times and

Lindsay 37:42

just knew, I just knew like bits up until now. I think. Yeah,

Jordan 37:47

I mean, it doesn't get crazy. There's not like

Lindsay 37:48

a big crazy moment, right? You're like, I was just in the fucking, or you know, I was in or for too long. You know, just that

Jordan 37:53

any amount of time is too long. But here we are. So my husband's gone with the kid, they're still working on me quietly and then they come back to show me the baby. So when my daughter was born, my husband was holding her this time, and this is like one of the things that bugs me the most and I don't know why I'm like getting emotional.

Lindsay 38:13

Oh, it's okay, Jordan. Take your time. Take your time. It's, I'm chill. It's good. Yeah, you're good. Yeah. It's put mascar

Jordan 38:21

on,

Lindsay 38:22

Well, it's okay. Uh, take your time. And you, the, this feeling's gonna make me cry 'cause I, yep. You deserved something else.

Jordan 38:34

Ugh.

Lindsay 38:35

This is so important for I know. For healthcare to know too.

Jordan 38:40

Yeah. No,

Lindsay 38:40

if there's, if there's healthcare listeners,

Jordan 38:43

Yeah. Please

Lindsay 38:44

This is, you know, this is really important.

Jordan 38:47

So like

Lindsay 38:47

the smallest thing.

Jordan 38:49

it is so small, but

Lindsay 38:50

the biggest impact. Mm-hmm.

Jordan 38:52

Yeah. Like my husband wasn't carrying my kid. It was like a stranger,

Lindsay 38:56

stranger. You know? And you're like, yeah. And that not only is that a lasting emotional effect, that image is burned. Yeah,

Jordan 39:07

yeah, totally. So that caught me off guard. You know, like my guts are out, I'm shaking. And I see my husband come around the corner without my baby, and he's in a stranger's arms. And something about that just really got me, you know?

Lindsay 39:24

Um,

Jordan 39:25

so they, they come around and I still got to have the nice moment where I, you know, I get to touch his skin

Lindsay 39:32

of course. Yep. And

Jordan 39:33

and we get cute pictures.

Lindsay 39:34

and,

Jordan 39:35

You know, she like, I think she passed him off to him at some point and then, but she had to leave pretty quickly with the baby because he, like, his respiration wasn't quite where it needed to be. I think this is really common with babies who are delivered by a C-section. They have to go on like a, what is it called? Do you know? It's like a respirator of some kind,

Lindsay 39:56

um,

Jordan 39:57

intubation. I think they just call it

Lindsay 39:59

Yeah.

Jordan 40:00

So he needed intubation. He needed a moment to, to like have his respiration sorted out. So she took him away pretty quickly, which I was okay with because I obviously, my priority was him and his safety, right? So I'm like, if he needs anything, like go,

Lindsay 40:14

Yeah,

Jordan 40:15

go. So she took him away. My husband went with her. He asked me, uh, do you want me to stay with you or do you want me to go with the baby? And I was like, so jarred from him not having held the baby that I was like, no, please go with our baby. I want you with a baby. So he goes away and then I'm just on the table again by myself. And I'm, I'm shaking so much

Lindsay 40:37

and

Jordan 40:37

know at this point they're trying to get the cyst out right? And the surgeon comes around to me. Which feels like not a good thing. And he goes, so we're working on getting the cyst out. I'm confident that we'll be able to do it. It's a little bit bigger than we anticipated and we're waiting for a different size ligature to come because we weren't prepared with the ligature that we need. Mm-hmm. I don't know what a ligature is.

Lindsay 41:05

is. Ligature is ligature. L-I-G-A-S-U-R-E. Okay. LigaSure. LigaSure. Just a clip. Okay. Like the help with

Jordan 41:12

sure. Okay. So they need a different ligature. I don't even wanna know more about where it went or anything. Don't even tell me. So I'm like, okay, we'll get that. So, so they call the, the, whatever, the regular, or they're getting a different ligature. They come over, like it took, it took them like 20 minutes to get it to the or. So during this 20 minutes, nothing's happening. I'm just sat open on the table and everyone's just waiting.

Lindsay 41:35

They're just controlling your bleeding.

Jordan 41:37

yeah. Which is crazy, right? As a, as the person open on the table, this feels crazy. And these minutes take. Centuries. I can't even tell you how long it felt like. I know my

Lindsay 41:48

and you

Jordan 41:49

is in another room on a breathing machine. My husband's with him. I, it's crazy to

Lindsay 41:55

And like, and like for sure that surgeon, it felt like probably an hour long wait too. Yeah.

Jordan 42:01

Oh God. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm waiting. They bring it up. Finally, they start getting it all ready and then they realized they didn't have the power part

Lindsay 42:10

Of

Jordan 42:10

of the ligature, so they had to call again.

Lindsay 42:13

is a common thing with equipment. You have no idea. So like it's the machine and then the cord is separate. Yeah. So they probably had brought the machine up and probably prop brought the right size ligature and then they didn't bring the

Jordan 42:27

Yeah. So they had to go all the way back and then bring it all. So I was literally laying on that table with them doing nothing for like 40 plus minutes. So

Lindsay 42:36

so sorry my, I'm like, dude, I'm sweating. No, because I've been there in like that, in that staff position.

Jordan 42:43

it sucks. It sucks for everybody. But like the thing that sucks too for me on the table is like I know that the longer I'm open, the greater my chances are of like something not healing correctly. Like it increases your chances of scar tissue buildup that you don't want. All this stupid shit's going through my head and I just wanna see my baby. You know, there was one really beautiful moment I will say during surgery. I think the anesthesiologist could tell that I was like, becoming anxious. I say that like I hadn't been anxious the whole time,

Lindsay 43:15

Right. You

Jordan 43:16

but you know, he could, he could tell that I was like struggling and he's not a nurse. Right. I feel like anesthesiologists are typically kind of cold, kind of like they're, and I want them to be like, I want that person to be as like honed in on their job as they could possibly be. Like if there's anyone in the room I want on top of their shit, it's the anesthesiologist, but this guy. He stood over me and he like put his hands one hand each on each shoulder. And he just like held them there for a while and it was like such a human moment of like, oh, this guy who, I don't even know your name dude, you are bringing me so much comfort. Like, I couldn't even, and I couldn't open my mouth to tell him thank you in the moment, but like sending thank you vibes out there to him right now. 'cause it was like, I can't, I can't explain. Like the feeling that that gave me, of relief and like of being seen. Yeah, it was incredible.

Lindsay 44:13

Aw. Yeah. That's so sweet.

Jordan 44:15

it was really great. so yeah, finally they finish up and then the team decides to come around to me after, after the fact and be like. We're cleaning you up. Um, that wasn't what we expected. And I'm like, oh, okay, so I guess you're gonna tell me about it. And one of the nurses I think it was my surgical nurse. She was like, do you wanna, do you wanna see it? Do you wanna see your sis? And I was like, no, I don't. Please, like please don't show me that. Like please don't show me that. And she was like, it was really big. It was really big. I was like, okay, cool. Like, thank you. That's really super lovely. And everyone at that point was like, yeah, that was like, I was like top five that we've seen. I'm like, don't tell me. I don't wanna hear it. But then also like, I can't not hear it, so they're telling me about how gigantic this cyst was. Right. And so I'm like, okay, well that explains how awkward it got in here. Yeah, they were, yeah, they were like all astonished at the size. She said it was like between the Ziploc bag sizes.

Lindsay 45:20

So there's a quart and a gallon, I

Jordan 45:22

was like somewhere in between that. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yuck. And it was just like a simple, like, luckily it wasn't

Lindsay 45:28

I just don't know how that fit in you

Jordan 45:31

alongside my baby. And then guys, like every time I thought about, like when I go back and watch my third trimester footage and I see how big my belly was compared to my first pregnancy, I'm like, it's because there's a gigantic cyst sitting in there nestled up next to my baby, not a comfy feeling. Ew,

Lindsay 45:48

Hey,

Jordan 45:48

I hated every second of that. So whatever, I, I still have a hard time looking at pictures of myself pregnant. Yes, because all I can think about is how stupid that cyst was, but it's outta my body now. We're done. We are so done. We're closed up on the table, we're sewn up. We're being wheeled back to the room, and at this point we are just waiting for my baby. My husband had come back into the room multiple times to check in on me and. To tell me about my baby's progress, which was great, but he was taking a while, so I had to wait for even longer in the room. I, I waited for quite a while. I think I waited like an hour, maybe a little longer than an hour at this point. I was like, post-surgical haze, post being up all night, labor pushing

Lindsay 46:29

Yeah.

Jordan 46:31

and, but I felt good in this moment. Like I kind of caught up with some people, told them I had just given birth. I took a photo of myself. It was like my most prized picture of me now because I know I had just gone through like the hardest

Lindsay 46:42

Yeah, yeah.

Jordan 46:43

like imaginable,

Lindsay 46:45

Yeah.

Jordan 46:45

and I love looking at that photo. Now. It's like one of like the things that helps bring me

Lindsay 46:50

Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

Jordan 46:52

so it wasn't all bad. And then, you know, they brought my, they brought my baby in, and I, this is all very hazy as well. This is not a golden hour situation. But they, yeah, they brought him in and I got to feed him. He latched just great, you know, and we had like a blissful little afternoon of

Lindsay 47:11

act baby time. Mm. You know,

Jordan 47:13

And my husband and I are like, feeling like we're jelling now.

Lindsay 47:16

Yeah. Yeah. And you, you probably just soaked up that baby

Jordan 47:22

I did. Yeah. And I was exhausted.

Lindsay 47:25

Come. Yeah.

Jordan 47:25

So yeah, I soaked up the baby time. We got moved to mom and baby. Everything was good. And honestly, like no hiccups after that. I feel really good about how it ended. I don't feel great about how it started

Lindsay 47:38

Right. Right.

Jordan 47:40

and I don't feel great about. Just like remembering, it's like the trauma is clearly remembering the operating room. And I guess having said this all out loud and start, I started crying at the part where my baby's being held by

Lindsay 47:52

else. Yeah. Yeah. That's

Jordan 47:54

I need to work on still.

Lindsay 47:54

Yeah,

Jordan 47:56

So I'm glad that I was able to share this because it, and this is why sharing birth stories can be so powerful is because you can pay attention to what's happening in your body. And when the shit starts bubbling up,

Lindsay 48:07

like Yeah. You're like, okay, that's this.

Jordan 48:09

I know what I need to like work on. Yeah. So all in all, a beautiful experience. I have a beautiful baby boy. He's healthy. He ate really well. You know, he slept like fine,

Lindsay 48:21

Yeah, you stayed in the hospital a bit longer than like typical,

Jordan 48:24

right? 'cause I had

Lindsay 48:25

Did you catch up on some sleep at all? I did. Or did.

Jordan 48:28

Do you know what's funny, Lindsay? I listened. You asked me the same question. Uh, the last story. That was your first question last time.

Lindsay 48:35

you caught up on sleep. Oh yeah. 'cause you were in labor for freaking hours. Yeah. So, but did you have the opportunity for the nurse to take him to the nursery?

Jordan 48:44

did. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And we slept. Yeah, he did really well in the hospital and we did really well in the hospital. I had some really teary moments, but I think

Lindsay 48:52

normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jordan 48:54

And I healed up great. Like I, yeah, we came home. Oh, and we, you know, meeting,

Lindsay 48:59

yeah,

Jordan 48:59

her, meeting his sister for the first time was such a sweet experience. My daughter still talks about that, like just the other day in the car. She was like, mom, I remember when I came to meet my brother. Yeah.

Lindsay 49:10

Yeah, yeah. When I, yeah.

Jordan 49:11

looked so red and he was so cute. Yeah.

Lindsay 49:15

Yeah. My daughter does also talks about that a little bit when we drive by. Cute. She always says, you know, you have mom, at the hospital and I get a sucker.

Jordan 49:25

Oh, I love that. That's what she remembers.

Lindsay 49:28

Yeah, the nurses

Jordan 49:29

Oh, that's so cute.

Lindsay 49:30

that's cute. Yeah, it is cute. Like the little bits that they hold onto for memory from that.

Jordan 49:35

Yeah, it's so special. Anyway, I think I've had enough of that.

Lindsay 49:39

Yeah.

Jordan 49:40

Thank you for listening. I hope that somebody out there heard that story and was able to feel some feelings and you know, right alongside me.

Lindsay 49:49

Mm-hmm. Well, and even so, like I, my birth story's different, but I definitely can feel your feelings and. That's awesome that you shared that. That's, and now you know, like you feel comfortable to share and you've also figured out and you're aware of like the part that to kind of work through. Yeah. And then that can take you as long as you want,

Jordan 50:08

Yeah, absolutely.

Lindsay 50:09

Yeah,

Jordan 50:10

Yeah, it's crazy. It's gonna require some processing still, but, but I'm get, I'm getting there. You know, I feel, I feel like this is a good step

Lindsay 50:19

Good for me. Yeah. It's fun to share these birth stories with each other again and with other women and yeah, they're just such a unique, such an interesting part of your life that happens to you and yeah, I could, we've talked about this before. I could listen to birth stories all day

Jordan 50:38

I really could too. I really could

Lindsay 50:40

Mm-hmm.

Jordan 50:41

Yeah. There is one more thing that I'll say about coming to terms with like the loss, the feeling of loss, that I had and that anyone else who didn't get to deliver vaginally might also have, One of the things that helped me like a reframe in my, like a mental little reframe that really helped me to get through it is just telling myself that this is one of the many, many beautiful life experiences that exist for humans to, to maybe have the opportunity to experience.

Lindsay 51:08

Mm-hmm.

Jordan 51:09

This is one of the ones that I will not get to

Lindsay 51:11

experience. Mm-hmm.

Jordan 51:13

and there are hundreds, thousands, millions more incredible experiences that humans go through. That I won't have access to, but I have access to the, the experiences that my journey takes me on.

Lindsay 51:25

Yeah.

Jordan 51:26

And for some reason, like putting a vaginal delivery, putting the golden hour, putting my husband, cutting the cord, putting all of those traditional things into a sea of other experiences that I don't have access to really helped. I don't know why,

Lindsay 51:42

Oh, interesting.

Jordan 51:43

that just brought me a lot of comfort. So maybe someone out there can.

Lindsay 51:46

Yeah. That's really cool.

Jordan 51:48

Yeah. Alright, let's close that up.

Lindsay 51:49

Okay.

Jordan 51:50

Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening to me. Be vulnerable and sad.

Lindsay 51:54

It's good to be vulnerable.

Jordan 51:56

Yeah.

Lindsay 51:57

it's very good for

Jordan 51:58

All right, we're gonna stop this one. We will see you next time with Lindsay.

Lindsay 52:01

when you.

Jordan 52:02

Birth story. It's gonna be shorter than this one.

Lindsay 52:04

It will be

Jordan 52:06

Alright,

Lindsay 52:07

Okay. Bye. Bye everyone.